Never The Same

I see her often,

In my dreams we find each other

She is part of me and I of her

Two peas in a pod

Maybe just the same person

I'm not exactly sure

It's hard to tell

She is so alive!

We find each other in my dreams

Her beautiful hair, her contagious laugh

She's different

She's carefree

Her worries are simple and easy

I'm jealous and sad for her

Vivacious

Loud

Obnoxious

Loving

Kind

Generous

Crazy-

Go-

Lucky

I used to be her

I used to be wild!

Her smiling face tears at my heart

She is so young, too young

She is innocent

I am a shadow of her future
I cringe to think of the perils that lie ahead

How I want to reach back and change her life

Maybe just call back a reminder

Life is about joy!

Heartbreaks are part of learning

Live with no regrets!

I've tried going back in time to her
That's hard to do in dreams

I twist, fall, jump, run
and race towards her
She must know these truths
that I know will help her

I never make it in time

I'm never there to rescue her

help

encourage

love

nurture

I'm a shadow, watching from afar

I cringe when she falls in love

I cry when I hear her pray for peace

help

guidance

relief

comfort

None come

I see her smile begin to fade
Her personality falters
Her joys become her miseries
and I know she feels stuck

To stay with the one you love forever is everyone's dream
To stay for only duty and reprimands is a nightmare
Her worlds are colliding and she fights the
thoughts that creep up in her mind

I finally can't take it and yell at her

Get out! Don't stay! Please!

She ignores me

Sometimes she glances where I stand and

feels my presence

She knows I'm there

She still ignores

The truth hurts sugar babe, I know it

The light empties out of her eyes

She's scared and frightened

Help! She cries

I need strength! I can't do this alone!

Chaos errupts

Flesh meets flesh

I watch a thousand times,

Must look away

Can't look away

In horror I stare at the casualty before me

I watch the color drain from her face

Something vital slips away

Her knowing eyes find me

Her hate pours out like a thousand raging seas

"You! You knew! Why didn't you help?!"

She screams, her delirium so strong

I run to hold her

She fights me

Scratches at my arms

Draws blood

I struggle to hold her to my chest

She goes limp

I pull her away and look into her eyes

They're clear again

Filled with tears

"Good bye" she whispers

I shake her a bit

"Don't leave! Please don't go!"

Please don't die

I don't know who I am begging

She smiles at me, all too knowingly

"You know this happens, you know how this

story will end dear heart"

"I'm sorry!" I plead, I can't lose her

She stands for all that is good

kind

righteous

hilarious

praiseworthy

beautiful

I panic

Without her, I don't know how I

can live a full and happy life

I don't know whether I walk in a dream or real life

 

"It wasn't your fault, it's how life works," she whispers

She stops breathing

She sighs

Gone

Dead

 Out of my life forever

I stand only to stumble to my feet

My grief is blinding and strong

I lost her...

She was my innocence

I buried her

She lives within my heart

I will never forget

I must never forget

I await patiently for her to find me in my dreams