Heavy Stuff Pt.1

Sometimes I wish I didn't have so many questions. I wish I could accept things as they are. I wish I could accept ideas (doctrines) as they're given instead of having to pray, ponder, and pray some more to understand.

I wish I could just believe with no question. Why is it that I have my doubts? My intellect gets the best of me. My views of the secular sometimes dominate and I see rational answers to my irrational questions.

Am I the only one that doesn't believe everything I'm handed? Am I alone, perhaps in my own little world, fantacizing about things that cannot be? Am I wrong to see the good in people who don't believe in my beliefs- wrong that I seek after these people because they help me understand that which cannot be explained? Will I be living in the margins, forever in the gray area, unable to reach the black/white separation that is so evidently apparent?

Comments

Kings said…
a friend of mine posted this on her facebook a while back, thought it might help. it was written by a 1 counselor in a stake somewhere...heres just part of what he said...
First, and I want to say this very clearly: if you happen to be somebody who wonders; if you happen to be somebody who is experiencing doubt about the church or about the gospel or any of the great existential questions, if you happen to be a person who wonders I say: Marvelous! How marvelous that is! This is your home. You belong here with us, and you are badly wanted. I want to be very clear about this, the Stake Presidency wants to have a community of saints who are probing, who are discovering, who are testing, who are faith testing, and who are making serious, critical investigation. We’re not trying to cultivate a stake of passive believers, mouthing platitudes. We are trying to cultivate active seekers. This is the kind of stake that we seek to lead. So that’s the first thing I want to make clear, that if you are finding doubts or asking questions, this is a safe and appropriate place to do that. And I can say that because my own Hosanna have passed through the crucible of doubt.

heres the link to his talk.
http://geoffsn.blogspot.com/2012/08/russell-hancock-on-testimony-and-church.html

hope it helps a little. love you ruby!
Ruby said…
thank you!! i love this!! i went and read it and seriously wept. this is beautiful and i'm glad you shared this with me amber! i love you too!- i was a little worried to voice this but i'm glad i did. my biggest problem is the WHY? because even if things aren't pertinent to my salvation, i still wonder and i still want things to make sense (the missionaries never mentioned polygamy OR blacks not holding the priesthood, two big no's in my book). It helped a ton!

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