PEACE

"Peace be unto you..."- Feeling peace after the storm is the best feeling ever.

Have you ever had a heavy heart? Carried a burden too heavy? Cried from night until morning? Walked around like a zombie? Let's be honest. We all have had trials in our lives. I will be the first to admit I have done all four of those things (not recently... of course).I'm sure you can think of a time when you looked in the mirror and wondered why you're here or prayed to know the future. I read my horoscopes (they can't tell the future but they're kind of exciting). I don't necessarily believe everything they say, but I do like the ones that promise that if I go out, the moon and stars will cross each other and I will run into a potential love. Those are my favorites, mostly because I am a horrible romantic at heart. I wish I didn't carry my heart on my sleeve and fall in love so much. I love people. I can especially appreciate a good looking man. With all of these things in mind, the last four months have just whirled by. I'm not where I thought I would be (in December I started making some great plans that didn't work out) and although I don't have a cute guy on my arm, I'm fine. The work I started on figuring "me" out has proven useful. I have figured so much about myself that I'm grateful I took the time to find out. There are other parts that aren't as pretty.

I think that sometimes we get so wrapped up in the dating world in our search for the one that we forget to find out who we truly are; who we are in the inside that is. I am a lover. I need people to survive. I love having friends and throwing ridiculous dinner parties. I have a great imagination. I get lost in my imagination from time to time and I love that too. Did you know I like sushi? Ha, I just figured that one out too! I like taking care of myself. I can run 2 miles in 16 minutes if I set my mind on doing it. I like art. As much as I want to succeed in my career and going to grad school, I really want a family. I'm not a die-hard feminist. I think the greatest work I will ever do will be within the walls of my own home. I want to have a house filled with laughter and some children (3-4) OH and a dog, chocolate lab. I like having long hair. My favorite eggs are omelettes, with veggies. I love steak and could eat it every single day. I love the Asian culture. I will always have a soft spot for it in my life. I am loud. I whole heartedly enjoy reading. I love political conversations, religious conversations, friend conversations... I just love telling stories and relating to other people. I like old people. I am a great friend. I'm terrible at letting people go who don't want to be in my life. I am divorced. It doesn't define me, but it is a category I can understand. I am young. I am still learning how to drive. I have a wild spirit. I try to tame myself from time to time but my wildness gets the best of me. I love traveling. I plan on doing a lot of it throughout my life. The best thing I've ever done: having Max. I love being his mother. I love taking care of him. I cannot express enough the joys of motherhood I have experienced. I am Mormon. I am thankful for those missionaries that found my family, taught us, and brought us to the gospel. If you know me, you know I'm not one to stand and preach (maybe I should?) about my beliefs, but I have them nontheless and they have helped me find the "happy" I'm constantly searching for. I may not be the best at it but I try. I believe in God and His Son. I know families can be together forever and what a sweet blessing that is. I'm rough around the edges and a little out of control; I'm ok with that. My mother still loves me. My father still thinks I'm great. My son laughs with me. My sisters are my best friends. My brother is my "bro" for sure and we have fun together. Politics are my weakness and so is bread. I hope to eat Korean food until I die. I like tacos. The sun and sea are my natural best friends. I'm scared of heights. I'm not scared to give talks. I worry a lot. I'm the best OCD person I know. I don't suffer from it per say, only when I'm deep cleaning. I am proud of my education and want to use it. I love learning. I don't like numbers. I want a man who will love me for me, faults and all. A man who is willing to go through life with a wild thing, who wants to have a family,(who will love Arkansas as much as I do) and won't care that his wife will stay at home to raise the little ones. I don't ask for much, just that he love and support me. I promise to cook, clean, iron, raise the kids with him, love, cherish, mop, bake, travel, support, respect, and above all, love him differently. I'm not going to rush to find this guy. I now know that good things come to those that wait. If I'm mega patient maybe I will find that reward we all hope to have: true, unadultered love. I'm also terrible at grammar punctuation. That's because I've gotten too lazy to write things correctly. I'm done with school for now, so don't judge me by my awful punctuation. Judge me by my other works instead.

I am still the Rubedawg. Just more grown up and responsible.