AFTER EASTER POST

I didn't grow up in a home where we were taught about the Easter bunny. Santa: yes! Toothfairy:yes! but Easter Bunny: no! I don't feel deprived at all, surprisingly. Our focus has always been on the death and especially the resurrection of Christ. I had always thought I had a deep understanding of the Atonement and sacrifice that came with His death. I mean, I learned so many songs about it that I thought I understood the greatness of that sacrifice. I was wrong.

These last almost two years (how have I been here soo long??!!) have been a refining process for me. I've learned that I really don't know anything(humbling experience) and that the only way to not go completely crazy is to put all of my trust in the Lord (I'd never really had to do that). I lived a sheltered life and once the trials and tribulations began, I was at a loss. How did these things happen to me? I had been a good girl my whole life! I worked hard and believed in the Plan of Salvation! -It was the ultimate Pity Party. I cried a lot at first, then I got numb, then I thought I was going to be just fine, and then I hit rock bottom. I spent sleepless nights just trying to calm my fast-beating heart. I would look at my son and panic at the thought that something might happen to him or I; I freaked at the thought that I might not always be around for him. I experienced my first panic attacks (worst experience ever) and I'm only coming out of the closet on those because I think it's important for people to understand that a little adversity goes a long way.

I remember saying once, many years ago, that Satan was not as powerful as my Sunday school teachers made him out to be. I didn't think he was that smart or deserved that much credit. WRONG ANSWER. I realized the depth of his power, the strength of his demeanor, and worst of all, the truth behind the Spiritual War we are engaged in daily. I was constantly listening to good music, reading my scriptures, and pleading (praying) to my Father to succor me up. It was at this moment that I could no longer talk to someone about my problems. I had to open up, pray, and continually build a relationship with my Heavenly Father. It was a real one this time, not like the superficial one I had with him before. No one but Him could help me. I finally understood that Satan doesn't want anyone to be happy. He is cunning and wants to destroy all nations, kindreds, and tongues. I was comforted by the fact that even before my birth, I chose Christ. I chose to follow God's plan and come down to Earth to be tested. I have a body, he does not. I have the ability to make righteous decisions while he works overtime to take souls away from Heavenly Father. What a battle we are in! What a struggle this shall be for all of us! I know God lives, He loves us. I know He loves all of His children. I am thankful for my faith and for what I have in my life. I know families are forever.

I am thankful to my brother Jesus Christ who atoned for me. I cannot imagine the suffering He experienced just from my sins. He overcame death, He triumphed over all. Thank you big brother, for the ultimate sacrifice of Love for your brothers and sisters. I cannot wait for the day that I run and hug Him for all He has done and will continue to do on my behalf.