Freedom

I'm so lucky. You guys! I'm soo incredibly lucky! Two years ago today I made a hard decision. I had a horrible fight that broke my heart, nearly broke my spirit, and I made a choice that would change my life forever. Two years later, here I am, in the trenches of life, battling for a better tomorrow. I'm happy. I'm letting life happen and I'm actively seeking the good life. It hasn't always been this beautiful and breath taking. I had my days that I thought I had given all I could... I feared for the future because my perfect picture had been tossed out the window. I spent many years living in a nightmare.

Then, I woke up. I stretched, left the baggage outside to be picked up, and I changed my perspective on life. "Life is to be enjoyed, not just endured..." I was going through the motions. I had allowed myself to believe I was broken because of one simple act: divorce. It's a sad, nasty, weird, awkward word. People don't always respond to it in the best of ways. Others simply loved me for me and that's all that mattered. I mattered to someone.

I don't know where I got the courage to stand up for myself. I don't know how I was able to pack up 4 years of memories into one suitcase. I also can't remember a whole lot of what happened in those early months when I went home. I know I cried a lot. I was sad and heartbroken. I man-hated a bit. I begged for something to work even though I knew that my past relationship had died a long time ago. Now I look back at young, sweet 22 yr. old Ruby. The pain she carried that almost felt too much to bear still makes me grimace. What I would have done for her not to go through that!! The pain that we could have saved ourselves, she-her innocence, I-my sanity... But then I look at my handsome, lively son and I am grateful that I took a chance on love. It wasn't the lasting kind but it was enough to give me something to cherish forever.

I don't have the answers to all of my questions. In fact, I'm still finding out who I am. But I do know that I performed a brave act. I didn't save many lives or change the world; I did save myself and my son. Most people look at me and think I don't know what life is all about because I'm so young, I ignore them. Few people know my heart. Those few that do- they are the reason for why I am walking around like a normal human being.

I'm about to hit my official 2 year anniversary. I don't know what I'll be feeling or thinking but I will keep y'all posted. I mean, why not blog about my great adventure through all of this muck. I'm starting to find the beauty, the cream of the crop, and all I can say is "Hallelujah! Free at last! Thank God Almighty, I'm free at last!"

             Time sure does fly when you're living life!