The Mommy Wars- My View

Have you guys kept up with the "Mommy Wars" that have been ongoing since the 60's?? Well, apparently it's been a waging war for the last couple of decades. It's been ugly and the very women I look up to are on the front lines, fighting for their voices to be heard. This is close to home because I am now a mother, a working one at that, and as I try to figure out where I stand, I've realized that this battle is eating at the core of many women for a variety of reasons.

My mother is one of the working moms. I grew up with a very strong willed, feminist mother who juggled a family, work, and church callings with such finesse that I didn't think there was anything wrong with our family dynamic. My mother has always worked (minus a 4 year gap when my kid siblings were born). As a child, I was cared for by lovely sitters, an amazing Tia Tina (my great-aunt who taught me how to pray, cross myself properly, and go to Mass without fail), and my dad. I think we didn't feel a sense of loss when mother was working because dad was there at night to tuck us in at night. They developed a routine that worked for them. I will forever be grateful for their sacrifices to give us the best life. Mom worked night hour shifts as a Nurse and dad was a Chef at a really nice resort in California. I never knew that we were poor because all of our basic needs were met. Growing up, mom did try to instill some of her liberal, feminist ideas into our heads.  After dad made enough money for her to stay home, she refused. She said she needed to work, she couldn't stand to be home because of idleness. By 10am she'd be done with the chores, dinner would be in the refrigerator, and she was out gardening, canning, taking care of others... She said she needed to regain her sense of self and working did that for her. It wasn't about the money. It was about the sense of freedom; working for her own money raised her self esteem. (Is this too much background info?? Oh well).
She told us to put off marriage, focus on our careers, and then get married at 30. She tried so hard to drill that into our brains BUT she had a constant battle with the ladies from my church. They were the other women who had grown up with the desire to be mothers. They taught my Young Women classes and their sole focus were the topics of: dating, preparing ourselves to be wives, and the joy of families. I used to argue with my leaders because I felt they were not realistic.

Anyway, that was a confusing and trying time for me. I didn't like learning about being a housewife and then I confused my mom's encouragement  for our independent success with the idea that she didn't want us to be mothers. I felt frustrated that she didn't encourage us to have a family because I thought she resented having us.  I was so far from the truth.

My mother is a wise woman. She knows the trials and tribulations that come once a family is formed. She fought her personal convictions when I told her I was getting married at 19 and again when I told her I was expecting at 20. I could tell a part of her was so disappointed because she knew that school, my future, and everything else would come at a much higher price. It did. She supported me through that whole journey and when I came back with my suitcases packed and my toddler son on my hip, she welcomed me home with open arms and kind words. She was right! I had struggled through sleepless nights, constant fights with the ex-hubs, and the only determination that got me through those college years was my little one. I knew I had to do my best to give him a better life! He instilled a raw determination I had never felt before and that survival mode kicked in during some of my darkest moments. All of a sudden, life/dreams/goals weren't about me anymore. I had to become a mother to understand the "Mommy Wars." Thus, I entered the war, without even knowing it. I landed on the working side by default and felt personally attacked when women would look down on me for working. I felt angry when other moms blogged about how much better their lives were because they didn't have to work. How could they know?! All they did was sit at home and watch Bravo or Lifetime and feed their kids 3 times a day! Easy, right?! Wrong. They have their burdens and trials. They are in charge of many things and I wonder if they ever feel like running away, getting a job, or just starting over. Do they regret their decision?? I already know the answer to those questions. I know they struggle but at the end of the day, their husbands and children make it all worth it. That's the general consensus I've gathered from the women I have interacted with.

Where do I stand?

I am in the trenches with my sisters, combating the world and juggling jobs, church callings, and a son. We are Warrior Women! Every single woman out there that has gotten her degree, pursued a high stress job, and made her own life is an example to me! The SAHMs are Warrior Women as well! They are constantly working, teaching, encouraging, and working 24/7 and usually rely on one income. That is a lot of work. They also have degrees, trust me I went to college with them, and they use their secular knowledge to raise their kids. They're raising up the next generation of hard working men and women. They are the Ann Romneys' that Hilary Rosen got in hot water (by other news commentators) for attacking. Now I don't think Rosen meant to convey the message as it came out, but she did get a lot of mom hate started.

I find myself wanting to defend working moms because I am one. I am very proud of the fact that I can hold down the fort and provide for my little family. These working moms are doing the very best they can and their children are successful, model citizens. They are the new CEO's of many companies! What an example they are to all women!! I stand for education, betterment of women, and most of all, independent success. I have seen and heard of many women (my grandmothers included) who relied solely on their husbands. They dedicated their lives to their husbands and children only to have their marriage end in divorce, death, or other tragedies. It terrifies me to have to depend on someone for everything because no one knows how things will turn out. I do daydream about having a loving husband who will take care of my son and I; yet I have to be realistic here!! **Secret confession: after being in the work force for 2 years, I would love to be home with my little one during the most important years of his life! I hate knowing that someone else is there all day long and I'm missing out on the little things.**
I wish we could come across enemy lines and just respect each other. Stay-at home Moms are no less than the Working Moms. Can we drop the boxing gloves now?? What happened to the saying "live and let live??" I'm disappointed in my fellow liberals who preach about equal rights only to turn around and judge women who don't work! Stop it already!! We should be proud of each other!

We should unite under the banner of Motherhood and embrace our differences!

Ann Romney has aged well. She doesn't look 63.

My advice to young girls: finish high school, get your degree, and if you happen to get married along the way, make sure you finish some form of school! The world really is available and you can do anything you set your heart to. I really believe that. Don't follow the crowd! Listen to your heart and mind. They will guide you. 

**Disclaimer: this is all based on my ideas and opinions. Feel free to comment!! I am dying to hear from my readers!!