Thank Goodness- FRIDAY!

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It's raining. Fall is here! My favorite season! I'm sipping warm chamomile tea (I know I'm supposed to wake up but it's so soothing!!), and waiting for this day to unfold.

I've been doing a lot of soul searching and have shared some of my fears, struggles, joys, disappointments, and everything else with you guys. This year was a rough one for me and I didn't know how to cope with the loss of my best friend. There were days where I would type out full letters to him, text him passages, or just sit and wonder how he managed without me. Not speaking to him was the hardest thing I had ever done. I didn't understand how he could cut me off completely, or when we had to speak, how he spoke to me as a complete stranger. Did he forget what happened between us? Did the love mean nothing? I realized that this was his way of coping with the loss. He did me a great service. The only problem- I had to cut the man of my life out of my heart and as I quickly tried to fill that void, things only got worse.

Then, I started to let go. I let go and forgave the sad/bitter things that passed between us. I let go of all the pain, hurt, and anguish I had attributed with him. It was liberating and yet so hard because as I let go of the bad things, I let go of the good things too. The memories we shared will forever be in my mind but all the bad stuff- it all seems like a bad dream. I've realized he is just a man. Men make mistakes. I made mistakes. But we have the atonement in our lives to help us overcome those shortcomings.

I never saw myself in this position at the ripe age of 24. It's been by far, my greatest challenge. Yet, I only need to look at my son and know it was all worth it. I live, work, love for him. My greatest blessing. I see the way my brother-in-law Josh looks at my sissy Esme and I know true love exists. They are so perfect together and I love their little baby to pieces. I see my mom and dad- how they have battled the world together and still love and honor each other. A long time ago, we made the decision to build our foundation on Christ. Regardless of my doubts and shortcomings, I know this decision changed our lives forever.

This weekend the Mormon fold is gathering together all around the world to hear messages from General Authorities. We gather in numbers to strengthen one another, to learn from one another, and to love. There are many who preach against the LDS people. I wish those people would spend longer than 3 minutes with these good brethren and sisters to see the goodness I see. I am ready, I have needed this so much for the last six months.