A Question For My Son PT.1

Today's post is inspired by my friend Lauren. I read her blog and can't stop thinking about how crucially important finances are in our lives.

Dear Son,

I really like to write letters, as you will realize later on in life. One day, when you read this, you will be completely grown up and preparing to face the world. I hope that I have done my job and raised you to the best of my ability. I also hope you know that there are so many people that completely adore you just as much as I do. I am proud to be your momma! Well son, you've probably had a job or two. If you're as headstrong and persistent at 20 as you have been at 3 I know for sure that you're headed straight to college. You already love to read, write, and paint. You are headed for greatness, of that I am sure.

So here's the deal, I'm completely bypassing your childhood and teenage years and heading straight into your adult life. Son, you are going to fall in love some day. The real, kick-you-in-the-gut-kind. If it's anything like the kind your father and I experienced (in the early stages), it will be fast, exhilarating, breathtaking, and above all pretty awesome. All you're going to want to do is ditch your dudes to hang out with this girl, buy cologne, and try to sweep her off her feet. If she's a smart girl, she is going to observe what you're doing from your service in church to how well you can pick up after yourself. If she is thinking of "marriage" she will have some concerns.

Max's Future Wife (should) asks these questions:

1. Is he a worthy member?

2. Does he honor his priesthood?

3. How does he manage his money?

4.  How does he treat his mother? (you cuddle with me every night, keep this up!)

5. What is he willing to sacrifice?

Max, these are questions that many girls fail to ask. Why? Because they fall in love faster than boys!! Here's the deal, if she does voice those questions, she is a smarty pants and you will definitely have to do some praying to know if she is the one for you! A good woman is not going to be a 'gold digger' per say. She isn't going to want to go through your bank account to know how much you're making. She will want to know that you will makes sure to provide for your family first and recreational activities later. She wants to make sure you don't just blow your money on whatever comes your way. As of today October 19, 2012 you are not that into video games and I hope to keep things that way for the rest of your life. I am slightly realistic and know your guy friends will introduce you to these things and I pray that you don't like them (maybe I'm unrealistic).

Anyway, in the current society I live in, divorce is at an all time high. In fact, you are now part of that statistic because your dad and I divorced. We will discuss that topic another time (that's a whole other letter). We got married right as the economic depression began. Fortunately, we were in school and would have been poor college students any way so it wasn't as devastating for us as it was for many in our country. However, money is something your dad and I really didn't discuss. I came from a home where my dad made the money, he gave my mom whatever was needed for the bills and food, and he managed the rest of it. I never dealt with it unless it meant spending. Looking back, I wish that I had worked harder to acquire that talent. It is a talent! Your dad came from a traditional home as well and he did have a job growing up, so he was a little further ahead in the finance department. I know that if we would have tackled this topic jointly, we would have avoided a lot of headaches. Why didn't we discuss it?? Well, we were in love and didn't worry about money. In my head, I assumed he would take responsibility while I got to spend the extra cash. I was the spender and he seemed like a saver. It turns out, we had to completely mesh two different worlds and we totally flopped sides. I became the stingy nonspender and your dad the complete opposite. With that said, DISCUSS FINANCES. I'm not saying to do this on the first date, but boy, if you're feeling that she's the one, you need to find out exactly what she thinks money is used for and where it should go. **I would like you to know that I learned to save a ton of money while I was married to your dad. When he left for boot camp I had to learn how to manage a checkbook and I saved over $3,000 while he was gone. I know, impressive right?! I also learned that if I wanted to have a savings account, no one else was going to do that for me. So I marched my very pregnant self to the bank and started a savings account. I will always be grateful to you (because you were my inspiration) for helping me go from ULTRA spender to SUPER SAVER!!

Money has been described as the root of all evil. I think that in moderation, money is actually good. You need money to survive for food, shelter, and everything else. You can't survive without it, but you also don't want to live for it. A man who lives to work doesn't make a good husband (in my opinion) but a man who works to live is a keeper.

As of right now, I'm trying to teach you the important of needs and wants. You have already learned to tell the difference between something you NEED and something you WANT. I'm really proud of that. The other night you were asking for a candy bar at the grocery store and I stopped and asked, "Max, do you need it or do you just want it?" You sat there silently for a few seconds and said, "Mom, I want it. I love it!" I bought you the candy bar because you were very honest with me. You're welcome. I know sometimes I come across as stingy, especially around Christmas time when all I get you is a few books, pjs, and one toy. But you usually don't play with all your toys anyway and you read the books over and over again, so really, I'm helping you not develop a HOARDERS problem. You're welcome twice.

Now, I know you're young and single. If there is anything I have given you it is the Spirit of adventure. By now, we will have journeyed to quite a few places just like my parents did with me. However, there is a time and a place. If you're ready to settle down with a girl, it is time to put childish things behind you and own up to the plate that is set in front of you. Adulthood is not only really cool but also incredibly hard. Sometimes you will have to sacrifice a really, really cool thing for something even cooler!! Trust me, one time I got into law school on the East coast, a job offer at the University of Chicago, and I decided to stay home in Arkansas so that you could be surrounded by amazing people that love you and so we could spend more quality time together. Were those things on my bucket list?!! You bet! But honestly, staying was the best idea of the three because being your mother is my greatest calling and joy. Was it hard?! Oh yeah. I wanted to have it all. I am raising you to believe you can have it all (within reason) and I think we would have been just fine. But sacrificing those things are minor to what I would have sacrificed, my role as your mother.

You are already on your way to becoming a good man. You help me with chores (you did the dishes for the first time yesterday), make the bed, and even sort laundry. You love to read scriptures every night and I know you will be a fine priesthood holder because you already remind me to pray! You love me and respect me, even if you think I'm being completely unfair. You know that lying is bad and you try every day to be a good boy. My gosh, I'm only imagining what an incredible sight you will be. I will write you many letters and I hope you like to read because they tend to get long. Just promise me one thing? That you will be true to yourself and to your principles. If you ever are in need or have doubts that you will turn to your parents and more importantly, to our Savior. He gave me the best thing I could have ever dreamed of.

I love you!

Mom