Giving Up Men for Lent: Part I

I gave up men for Lent (along with dedicating myself to 6 weeks of working out). I know it sounds really drastic, but I felt like I was focusing on the wrong things when it came to my personal life. I found myself newly single in September and I was bombarded by men and dates for the next few months. Over all, I ended up alone anyway. This isn't a pity party post, I'm just being honest about what happened. While in the process of discovering myself single, getting lots of attention from cute boys, and figuring out who I am(again) I didn't like the fork in the road I took. So I figured Lent was a perfect time to change things. I gave up men. No dating. It has been great! -I know this is weird, but it really has been great. I've been able to focus on myself, the things I like, fixing the things I don't, and I've given myself 100% to my son Max. He's the best man I could have in my life any way. No complaints there. It was hard to admit to myself that I can be alone and be happy. I'd been attached to someone for so long that even though we had been separated, I felt that strong pull towards having someone in my life. It was a hard transition from married to single again. I wouldn't wish it on anybody. When you've had companionship for a long time, it's hard to just start a life without someone to fill that void. This decision to rededicate myself to important things (my faith, figuring out what I truly believe in, my son) changed my perspective.

My love for my Heavenly Father has been maximized. I think these last few months were huge trials for me in the sense that I had to re-establish what I believe in and don't believe in and adapt accordingly. He has been patient with me. He has given me strength and hope. Somehow (and I consider this a miracle) my biological clock isn't driving me crazy. I think He knew how much I wanted another child (it's crazy, I know!!) but He comforted me and has provided lots of pregnant friends and cousins I can babysit for. I also have a beautiful nephew who has helped with those side cravings! I am not the motherly type at all. Having Max has changed that a bit; for awhile I thought I would go insane with wanting another baby for Max to have around. For me to have around. My little guy is 3 and no longer a baby. It's hard for me to grasp. I can't complain though, I sleep well through the night, Max can feed himself, and he's pretty independent. I just have to make sure he gets lots of love and learns right from wrong. Oh yeah, and read to him.

I know singleparenthood is difficult and it definitely has its trials. But I also have a lot of help from people who love Max and I- I'm so grateful for these people.

As for the "man" part? These last few weeks taught me the only men I need to worry about are God and Max. I'm not desperately seeking for someone to fill that void in my heart. Instead, I've found good books, good friends, family time, volunteering, parenting, and of course, healthy food to fill that void. I don't think I'll ever be the same, but this new and improved ME is cool and I think I'll keep up the good work of figuring ME out. While I'm at it, I'll probably step it up with the exercise regiment. Yay!