5 Struggles of Ethnically Ambiguous Millennials
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| Me and my ethnically ambiguous self... 100% Latinx and proud of it! Viva Mexico! |
"She's exotic."
"Foreign."
"But for real, where are your parents from?"
"Ah, so you're mixed."
"You look too Asian for a Mexican."
"Can I touch your skin? It looks so smooth."
These are comments I've heard in the last few weeks in regards to
my ethnically ambiguous background. And they bother me, a lot more so today than in the past. Usually, when people ask me what I am---which is ridiculous because I'm a human, just like them--- I tell them I'm American. Then when they push, I say my parents are Mexican. I try to not proceed down the rabbit hole of explaining how a bunch of Europeans climbed aboard ships in the 17-20th centuries and came down to Mexico and intermixed with the locals. It gets complicated explaining an Irish, Filipina, Toltec, Spanish, Jewish, French, possibly African background. I mean, I love it but usually it's boring and someone has fallen asleep by the time I'm done theorizing what a group of people did to end up being linked to my people. You all know it was like a giant carnaval party, I mean how else did I get here if a bunch of people didn't end up just intermarrying all the gorgeous natives?
*** Rant: it's also incredibly frustrating that even the federal government doesn't know how to identify people like me. Our ethnicity is Latinx but our races vary and usually we see check marks like: African American (non-Latino), Asian (non-Latino)... As to say we can't be a part of those cultures too. UGH. Frustrating.
1. People Assume They Know You b/c of Your Culture.
Hello stereotypes! Either I'm the fiery Latina with 10 personalities or asked why I can't bachata as well as someone's Latinx friend. Um, I was raised in Arkansas and the fact that I can even dance is like a miracle from providence. Have you seen square dancing?? Try getting the hang of that when you know people shouldn't dance that way anymore... In college, boys would ask me to make them Mexican food- like I had the money, time or cared to cook for them... No.
2. It's expected that you identify a certain way.
In high school, I was too Mexican to date the white boys whose mothers' seriously worried about what their grandchildren would look like if they had babies with me. White people saw me as an asset to my race and some Latinx people expected me to be just as "Latin" as them. In the words of Selena's dad, "you have to speak better English than the Americans and better Spanish than the Mexicans" or something. I refuse to assimilate into American culture. Integrate? Sure. I believe in speaking English so I don't get taken advantage of but I refuse to give up my ethnic background to appease an entire country of people.
3. FETISHIZATION.
"You're pretty for a brown girl." "Wow, you're so Mexican to me right now and that's hot." Honestly, if I had a dollar for every time someone has said this to me in my life time, I would be rich. My biggest point of contention is being objectified instead of seen as an actual person with feelings/thoughts/emotions. Every man I've ever dated has given me similar nicknames in regards to my skin color, ethnic hair, etc.- to the point where I just don't correct them. See, I have a particular type of guy I date and I'm not sure if it's because I was raised in the South and then went to college in Idaho or if I just like white guys, but I'm always their first Latinx girlfriend and they always end up saying the same things. Should I tell them they're un-original? I've learned to pick my battles and I do stand up when they start to get a little weird with what they call me (my little brown ball of love- dumped him that moment).
4. When People Want to Only Marry Within their Race.
One time when my hair was dyed lighter than usual and I was on like date 3 with a semi decent man, it turned out he only dated white girls. First of all, you would have to be legit blind not to see that I'm not white and second, you know that's racist. Right?... Right?! Needless to say, we didn't make it past that date and I learned that I need to figure out if a guy is racist on the first date.
5. Religion.
It's always assumed I'm Catholic. I tell people I was raised Mormon and usually leave it at that. I don't think my religious background has to match what Christians believe the national religion is in this country. In fact, saying agnostic in the south might get me in trouble if I ever want to run for office. So, I believe in the universe? Btw, that doesn't mean that I don't actually enjoy some Catholic holidays and consider myself part of the Catholic culture since so much of my background intertwined with that. I do protest most anglo religions that were forced upon my people in the belief that their white God would save our dark souls. No thanks. Take that prejudice with you out the door because if you call me a fence sitter or a Lamanite, I swear on all that's holy I will lose my cool.
I have a lot more feelings on this and will interview one of my fave mixed children in the near future. Do you have any struggles as a mixed raced millennial? Share them in the comments below!
All my love,
Rubs
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