My New Journey

I've always admired those people that go on "spiritual, traveling, etc. journeys" to find themselves. If I had the money and time I would go on a traveling journey to see the beauty this world has to offer. I would love to wake up in Africa to see the beautiful sunsets. Then I would fly over to Europe to sit at a little cafe outside of Paris and sip some foreign drink with a baguette. My list is endless and my thirst for other cultures will probably never be satisfied. Sometimes I wish the lottery were something feasible because then I would win and be set to travel for the rest of my life.

Since I can't go on a journey like Eat, Pray, and Love (her traveling is awesome, her life is kind of scandalous and I don't want that part of it!!) I've decided to go on my own journey. I haven't found out what to name it. I think it deserves some kind of exotic name. I am on a journey to find out the good life. I think I've got a good grasp of where to find happiness. But I think for the last few years I've been stuck in limbo. I used to be an avid reader and writer. Then college kind of ruined that for me because the thought of reading a good novel sounded awful. Finals will definitely leave you with a negative feeling when it comes to reading. When it comes to writing, I stopped expressing my creativity because I hit writer's block nearly four years ago. My stories weren't coming out like I wanted them to and I think the only person disappointed by all this was my sister Sally. She's read all of my works and expressed her appreciation for them. I may not be brilliant but at least someone likes what I write about.

I want to live life to the fullest. When I was a teenager I used to wake up every day pumped about starting a new day. "This day is going to be awesome!!" I was the epitamy of Rachel Berry from Glee. Except I can't sing nor am I rude and obsessive. Ok, maybe I just woke up like she did every morning. But that's it when it comes to our similarities. I used to read the newspaper every morning, watch CNN every afternoon and I was so wrapped up in world events I was convinced I knew the exact ways to create peace and equality in the world. I had a sense of purpose and drive. I am getting that back today.

Finding happiness isn't about planning for the future house or constantly worried about goals being fulfilled. It is about finding yourself in the NOW and loving where you are at. I love that I am in the best place this side of the Mississippi, surrounded by endless family that loves me. I love that I feel healthy again, spiritually, emotionally, and physically. I shed 20 lbs and along with that, many other things that weren't uplifting. I've come to realize that I don't like diet and exercise and I probably never will. So I don't do it. I just eat bright fruits and vegetables. I love steak and eat that too. I still eat the occasional chips and salsa. Ok, I really haven't changed much except that I have added fruits and vegetables to my diet.

I tell the people that I love that I love them every time I see them because it is important for me to tell them how much they mean to me. I've started to write again. I don't know where the stories will go or if the poems will make sense. Writing is my exercise. It releases the endorphines that help me thrive and feel that sense of fulfillment. I'd like to compare it to running a marathon (it may not be done physically, but definitely mentally!!).

I look at my child in a different way. He's my responsibility. The things I teach him now are going to help him become into the man he needs to be. I've always known that. Yesterday I came home with him, he sat down, and sang me "happy birthday" because he thinks every day is my birthday. That's when it hit me. Every day can be like my birthday. Every day is filled with a promise of renewal. I don't necessarily want to live like every day is my last. But I do want to live it like it was mean to be lived. Life is beautiful. We're here to have joy and learn to become like the Father. I'm so blessed to have this incredible life.

there he is. the joy of my life. my reason for being. the face i can perfectly picture when i close my eyes. his laugh warms my heart. his hugs and kisses are the absolute best. he's my favorite boy. he's my greatest blessing and triumph. i love him unconditionally. no strings attached. maxfield byron i love you with every fiber in my body. you're my life, mi vida y mi amor. thank you for coming into my life. three years ago all i could think about was having a growing baby in my belly. and now, to be able to hold you and cuddle with you is an incredible blessing. thank you son, for changing my life. i'm a better person today than i was before because of your example. i can't wait to see where life will take you :)