Shut Up! & Dance with Me + I Put Your Picture Away

Bud Walton Arena with the Walmart folks

Hi Guys! I went to a cute concert a few nights ago (thank you, Walmart Shareholders!) & listened to Walk the Moon and Sheryl Crow. Their songs made us laugh, cry and dance. I have always felt a deep connection with Sheryl through various stages of my life, from junior high love, low key divorce to new adventures, she's had a twangy song to go with my rollercoaster life. Thanks, girl!

The other day, I had an epiphany while going about my day. Sometimes things JUST HAPPEN. There's no rhyme or reason. Life just happens--- like the time a lady hit my car in Little Rock, or  back in January when a school bus driver rear-ended me while on the highway, OR the old dude on his phone that totaled my car last December (so glad we were okay, MB was in the car and it was super scary). After the last car accident, I refused to drive. Why would I even want to, right? I mean, it was clear the universe was against me and I was doomed to suffer tragic loss via car accident. Watching that bus inch its way towards me on the highway was eye opening. I had no control and no matter what I tried to do, I couldn't avoid the accident. I don't think I was supposed to die "final destination style" and I definitely don't believe I'm cursed (anymore) because more often than not, people are wrapped up in their own world. Not even the most helpful, knowledgeable therapist could have helped me through my trauma if I didn't accept that I -very simply- do not control the universe, the actions of others, etc. I can't control the way others see me or treat me. I can't guarantee that everyone I love will remain in my life forever and you know what? That's it. I can't control anything outside of my body and even then, my body betrays me on the daily.

Today, I was running behind my set schedule and I considered just giving up and starting over tomorrow. Instead, I cut my plans in half, did the important tasks and took time to jump in the pool with the kiddo. Did I finish everything I had set out to do? No. Did I get mad when I got stuck in 40 minute traffic? Actually, no. I just kept going and took my day 15 minutes at a time. When life gets too stressful, do some breathing exercises, take a rose water bath and go for a walk.

I choose to stay in this new place, where I seek out joy and the good life. My brain and heart fight each other constantly and hardly does my logic ever win but I do my best. I've been pretty mad at my past experiences because it feels like I'm tainted somehow by actions done to me and they define who I'm destined to be, my characteristics and inner flaws wave huge flags that signify I'm not worthy. Yet, I've done hard things. I'm learning to set boundaries so that I can live the life I have always wanted. I'm not tainted. I'm not bad. I am a simple person, seeking to live this life to the best of my ability and it is a fight every day.

I send you all my love. Chin up, okay? Things don't work out until they do and part of this life is enjoying to take the good with the bad.

XO- Rubs

PS- my pics are so blurry because I was dancing and singing the whole time. Oops.

Walk The Moon

She's a tiny little person with a huge personality

His hair was R.A.D.