Mixed-Raced Girl in a Black and White World
My heart is heavy.
Social media has been on a frenzy this morning with #blacklivesmatter . Why? Another police officer shot an unarmed man. Unfortunately for this particular soldier, someone filmed the entire thing. I know for a fact if this incident had not been caught on film, the officer would not have been apprehended. He's been charged with murder. I guess technically he could still walk away. At this point, I'm completely disgusted by our broken, police system. I'm sad that so many people live in fear while the rest of the population defends the thoughtless actions of the police.
I've always been afraid of the police. When I was a little girl, my baby sister and I would hold our breath, sit completely still, until my parents drove past police men. Our parents ensured we knew our place when it came to the social system. I don't think they meant to instill fear, but it happened. They were afraid, so we became afraid.
We are lucky because we are mixed race and light skinned. Yet, that doesn't mean anything. I've been pulled over about 26 times in my driving career, 3 of which I deserved. The other times? In Utah, I was pulled over for driving the speed limit. FOR REAL. In Arizona, I was pulled over because I looked suspicious * I WAS REALLY BROWN AT THAT TIME BECAUSE I LOVED TANNING IN THE SUN. In Idaho, I was pulled over for stopping at a STOP sign for too long. SERIOUSLY. Did I mention I know I'm fortunate to be a light-skinned, mixed-raced girl?? I am. I know that, yet I am afraid. I'm raising a mixed-raced child, grant it, he is only a shade darker than I. I still worry that he'll decide to wear baggy pants when he's 15 or get into a little trouble. Young men do dumb things. They wear baggy clothes. Sometimes, they smoke and drink things they shouldn't because experimenting happens at this age. All kids that experiment are not bad. But cops don't know that. They see brown and black kids doing bad things and they lump them together.
How do I explain to my son that the police are supposed to help the public when I am terrified of them? How do I teach him to be brave when I cower before them? I don't have answers. Just fear. Always fear.
I say we take to the streets. Let's show our protest. Let's do more than hashtag events. LETS do something.
***Disclaimer: my awesome cousin Jeff is a new RPD and I'm really glad we have more PoC in the force. I also worry about supremacists shooting him for pulling them over. See? It never ends. PoC are always the enemy.
Social media has been on a frenzy this morning with #blacklivesmatter . Why? Another police officer shot an unarmed man. Unfortunately for this particular soldier, someone filmed the entire thing. I know for a fact if this incident had not been caught on film, the officer would not have been apprehended. He's been charged with murder. I guess technically he could still walk away. At this point, I'm completely disgusted by our broken, police system. I'm sad that so many people live in fear while the rest of the population defends the thoughtless actions of the police.
I've always been afraid of the police. When I was a little girl, my baby sister and I would hold our breath, sit completely still, until my parents drove past police men. Our parents ensured we knew our place when it came to the social system. I don't think they meant to instill fear, but it happened. They were afraid, so we became afraid.
We are lucky because we are mixed race and light skinned. Yet, that doesn't mean anything. I've been pulled over about 26 times in my driving career, 3 of which I deserved. The other times? In Utah, I was pulled over for driving the speed limit. FOR REAL. In Arizona, I was pulled over because I looked suspicious * I WAS REALLY BROWN AT THAT TIME BECAUSE I LOVED TANNING IN THE SUN. In Idaho, I was pulled over for stopping at a STOP sign for too long. SERIOUSLY. Did I mention I know I'm fortunate to be a light-skinned, mixed-raced girl?? I am. I know that, yet I am afraid. I'm raising a mixed-raced child, grant it, he is only a shade darker than I. I still worry that he'll decide to wear baggy pants when he's 15 or get into a little trouble. Young men do dumb things. They wear baggy clothes. Sometimes, they smoke and drink things they shouldn't because experimenting happens at this age. All kids that experiment are not bad. But cops don't know that. They see brown and black kids doing bad things and they lump them together.
How do I explain to my son that the police are supposed to help the public when I am terrified of them? How do I teach him to be brave when I cower before them? I don't have answers. Just fear. Always fear.
I say we take to the streets. Let's show our protest. Let's do more than hashtag events. LETS do something.
***Disclaimer: my awesome cousin Jeff is a new RPD and I'm really glad we have more PoC in the force. I also worry about supremacists shooting him for pulling them over. See? It never ends. PoC are always the enemy.
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