I Took It Off
"I Took It Off."
"I Did Not Want To Carry It With Me Anymore."
A huge part of my life (right now) is coaching women through life transitions. I'm heavily involved in community dialogues involving single mothers and divorcees. I know many women who dedicated their lives to their families and put themselves last. They never thought divorce would happen to them and now, as they transition into a new world, I try to help alleviate some of the anxiety by sharing my story and stories of others who came before me. We do online workshops and Skype calls. They share their fears. I encourage them. Did I ever think I would be a life coach when I was 20? NOPE. I promised a few that I would share a narrative, probably not too detailed because some of that pain and detail is part of me and I can't tell it all without feeling completely vulnerable. Some of those stories are mine alone to carry and I am at peace with my decision. So today, I share just one story.
Max and I have been on our own for five years. FIVE! I don't remember what life was like before this, except when a faint memory brims itself to my consciousness.
My own D-Day took place on a cold December afternoon, and it was followed by 3 finals and a sobering drive through the snowy countryside. At the time, my parents were living in Mexico and my sister was a newly wed halfway across the country. Many of the friends I turned to at that time were too afraid to offer support or ideas. I was in a world of naive 20 year olds. This world was very lonely and quiet; pain was not to be acknowledged because wisdom came from pain. I learned that pain brought wisdom and figured that I would be the wisest of them all. I kept myself incredibly busy at school in order to never think about my personal problems. Then I would come home to the biggest sweetheart this side of the Mississippi. Max had a way of cheering me up. His infectious smile was empowering and his sloppy, toothless kisses melted my heart every day. I lived for Max. He was my light and truth. I couldn't see anything but him, and I am alive today because of it. I never truly lost myself because in the back of my mind, I knew I needed to be the best mother to my son. It's cheesy but I can remember the exact moment I knew I was pregnant. I was 20 years old, completely terrified to tell my mother, and the longer I thought about a baby, the slower my heart began to beat. I chose to be a mother, as young as I was, and to give the child the best life I could manage. By then, we were on "our" own. So, my sister moved in with me and helped me through the stages of pregnancy. She helped me through the worst and together, we brought baby Max into the world.
For now, I will close my eyes and remember those first baby flutters and the goals I set for us. The other stuff, the short lived 6 months of marriage, the comings and goings, are nearly forgotten because I created a new life for us.
No matter where you are in life, enjoy it to the fullest. I've chosen to only remember the important things that will bring me joy in the future because the sad moments are just too heavy for me. I laid them down and walked away, simply because I needed a lighter load.
"I Did Not Want To Carry It With Me Anymore."
A huge part of my life (right now) is coaching women through life transitions. I'm heavily involved in community dialogues involving single mothers and divorcees. I know many women who dedicated their lives to their families and put themselves last. They never thought divorce would happen to them and now, as they transition into a new world, I try to help alleviate some of the anxiety by sharing my story and stories of others who came before me. We do online workshops and Skype calls. They share their fears. I encourage them. Did I ever think I would be a life coach when I was 20? NOPE. I promised a few that I would share a narrative, probably not too detailed because some of that pain and detail is part of me and I can't tell it all without feeling completely vulnerable. Some of those stories are mine alone to carry and I am at peace with my decision. So today, I share just one story.
Max and I have been on our own for five years. FIVE! I don't remember what life was like before this, except when a faint memory brims itself to my consciousness.
My own D-Day took place on a cold December afternoon, and it was followed by 3 finals and a sobering drive through the snowy countryside. At the time, my parents were living in Mexico and my sister was a newly wed halfway across the country. Many of the friends I turned to at that time were too afraid to offer support or ideas. I was in a world of naive 20 year olds. This world was very lonely and quiet; pain was not to be acknowledged because wisdom came from pain. I learned that pain brought wisdom and figured that I would be the wisest of them all. I kept myself incredibly busy at school in order to never think about my personal problems. Then I would come home to the biggest sweetheart this side of the Mississippi. Max had a way of cheering me up. His infectious smile was empowering and his sloppy, toothless kisses melted my heart every day. I lived for Max. He was my light and truth. I couldn't see anything but him, and I am alive today because of it. I never truly lost myself because in the back of my mind, I knew I needed to be the best mother to my son. It's cheesy but I can remember the exact moment I knew I was pregnant. I was 20 years old, completely terrified to tell my mother, and the longer I thought about a baby, the slower my heart began to beat. I chose to be a mother, as young as I was, and to give the child the best life I could manage. By then, we were on "our" own. So, my sister moved in with me and helped me through the stages of pregnancy. She helped me through the worst and together, we brought baby Max into the world.
For now, I will close my eyes and remember those first baby flutters and the goals I set for us. The other stuff, the short lived 6 months of marriage, the comings and goings, are nearly forgotten because I created a new life for us.
No matter where you are in life, enjoy it to the fullest. I've chosen to only remember the important things that will bring me joy in the future because the sad moments are just too heavy for me. I laid them down and walked away, simply because I needed a lighter load.
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