When Writing Hurts

I'm an aunt again, Sal and Josh had another bundle of joy. Welcome to the fam, Lucy!

GUYS. I've been working on a new website that focuses on chronic illness. A large problem with illness is that sometimes you have HUGE plans-- and then you can't function for a day-- so you have to start over. Am I the only one to experience this? I've found a great system of friends, from California to Boston, Canada to Paraguay that have walked this path with me.

Around this time last year I found myself in a house I couldn't afford, in a job I wasn't in love with (but I loved my co-workers), in a city I outgrew, and couldn't sleep in said house so I wandered my hallway in a flowered robe at all hours of the night. Needless to say that insomnia can be helpful and incredibly cruel. A few months before that, I had experienced great joy and assumed that despite feeling depressed, my life was complete. I had a really great life. Today, I understand that although not everything turned out as expected, I am complete. My imperfections are simply things that I'm working on but I'm done harping on myself. Why is it that we teach women, particularly WOC, to be strong for everyone? To work harder and stronger than our privileged counterparts? I'm compiling lists of all sorts and thought that today, I could share some insights on living with a person dealing with depression:

How to live with someone with depression:

1. Have a lot of patience and communicate your needs.

2.  Don't force them to get out of bed when it's too hard to live. Remind them there is joy. Give them a minute to remember there is an adventure out there, waiting for them.

3. Stock your house with rose water and soothing chamomile+lavender+mint tea.

4. Invest in self care and set specific boundaries. You can't carry the weight of another person. You can't change them but you can love them, fiercely, and still find a way to invest in YOU. When you feel as if you're getting sucked in to the dark feelings, take a time out- grab drinks with a friend, go out for coffee, do something that brings YOU joy.

5. Be supportive- simply by offering an "I hear/feel you" is huge.

If it's worth it to you, keep fighting the good fight. Living with a depressed partner is not easy. I'm so thankful for the people who haven't walked out of my life despite my shortcomings and chronic illness. I didn't know that diabetes would trigger such a severe depression that has literally changed the way I LIVE. I exercise to release endorphins that counteract the depression. Because my foundation was ripped from under me, I've had to invest in myself, a lot! The rediscovery period has been incredibly stretching. Nevertheless, it's been a gift to learn to love myself as I am, freckles and curves. All of it.

Write 3 things you love about yourself. Remind yourself you are worth it. If you're struggling to live with chronic illness, don't be afraid to reach out. There's help out there! Just because your body hurts all the time doesn't mean that you're supposed to live that way.


All my love --- Rubs

currently listening to my main man Beethoven.