28 Was Great!

I'm about to enter the last year of my 20's. I don't feel entirely ready to hit the big 3-0, however, I look forward to the comfort that comes with being in my 30's. I'm excited to be more content in my decision-making skills and goal to live more authentically.

28 was a year filled with growth! I found a good job with co-workers that have become family. We moved across town into a cute house in a safe neighborhood and Max's new school has been rated the top school in the state. I learned to crochet, drove across the country, flew to my best friends' weddings and learned that time goes by too fast.

I wish I hadn't been in such a rush to get to this age. I pushed so hard in my early 20's to be more fulfilled, to get my stuff together.  I pushed so hard because as I spun in my early 20's to figure out life, imagining that aging would bring more wisdom, I was honestly doing just fine. I thought that by anxiously dreaming of the future, certain things would be planted in my path, perhaps a partner, more children, a kick-butt company. My entrepreneurial spirit was on a high back in my early 20's. I suppose I would have everything figured out by now.

What actually happened in my 20's...

Instead, I found refuge in my search for the good life. I spent countless hours reading Socrates and Plato into the wee hours of the night in order to figure out myself, the estate of my soul... I read the bible, Confucius, Martin Luther, Spanish Inquisitions and tried to piece together my beliefs (still a work in progress, I have no answers except to live and let live).  In separating myself from everything I have ever known, it is as if I am discovering the world for the first time. It's fresh, vibrant and filled with endless possibilities.

I've experience love- oh have I loved- the exhilarating, thrilling kind- and faced utter heartbreak- where Netflix hadn't been created so I couldn't bing watch anything but cable. Love has run into me, smacked me in the face and its slipped through my finger tips. It's opened up a world of spirituality and filled my head with confusion. See, I've learned that to love someone, completely, requires a sense of vulnerability. Lord knows I'm not good at being open and the prospect of hurt makes me want to shirk into the shadows, yet when it comes into my life, I always let it in. 

I was madly in love with a beautiful man child in my teens. I swore up and down the cross that he was the love of my life and we would raise babies together. I used to write his name in my planner with hearts (ugh). Then life happened. My high school sweetheart didn't end up coming back to me, he married a lovely woman and now has two cute babes. My heart bursts every time I see them. That life I had planned with him wasn't the life for me. I catch myself thanking the universe that it had something else in store. I have loved a handful of men since then, some more passionately than others. Some, I knew wouldn't last the week, and others I planned complete futures with. Ironically, I'm still figuring this out. I wouldn't have it any other way because I have loved fully, to the best of my imperfect ability and given what I perceived to be my all.

I wish I could remind my younger self to stop searching out love. It comes anyway whether we search for it or not. I wish I had been more career focused in my early 20's and finished that major in Accounting (FINISH THAT FINANCE MAJOR DANGIT). In being forward focused, I should have listened more to my gut and that inner voice saying stop. this doesn't feel right. he's lying. don't walk home with him. don't eat that cake. just have fun. no expectations. stay one more year and finish your major.  don't eat cookies for breakfast. move to DC for that internship and don't be afraid. have courage. maybe 20 oysters is bad for your future heart. go vegetarian. tights were created by men to oppress women, don't wear them. don't be a sore loser. don't lose yourself in anyone but yourself. you are your own person.  

To my younger self: you spent enough of your 20's making everyone else happy. Stop. You are enough, you've always been enough. Be proud of your Latina heritage and yell it from the mountain tops. Don't fret about dating, you'll grow into yourself and it all works out. That boy that keeps pestering you, block his number and don't be afraid to tell him to get a life. You don't owe him anything, only be true to yourself. Your pride and stubbornness are just great leadership skills. People will think you're bossy and don't let it bother you. When you decide to be a mother at 20, it's going to be hella hard. It's the single-most challenging task you've ever done and completely worth every tear, smile and laughter. MB is the real deal and he grows up to be an incredible kid. You get a lot of the credit because as of age 28, you've been on your own with him for 6 years.  You find a tribe of people that love and dote on him. It truly takes a village and you're not afraid to share the burden and joy of parenting. Stand proud! Don't let other people put you in a box and never compromise or change for anyone. There will be individuals that you love with all your heart that won't be able to stay in your life. That's okay, it's part of growth. Let them go because you will find your journey and your own joy. The happiness you feel when everything else seems to break down around you, it's that strong Mexican spirit within, reminding you that happiness comes from your core. STOP EATING at the Manwaring Center. It will give you high cholesterol and the freshman 30 will appear out of nowhere. 

 This last year I'm going to do what I want. I want to be a good mother, smile more, keep going on those long walks with Max, salsa dance like there's no tomorrow, YOGA, try every recipe in a good cook book, and I will finish those accounting credits I left at a standstill. Make time to go to the beach and renew my soul (THAILAND), visit my best friends' in Boston, host the girlfriends in Little Rock, eat all the cheese and always stock up on cranberry juice. Update that new blog, finish the novel, go to work early and produce all the excellence you can muster. Choose bliss every day. Accept to simply be and the only expectation I have for my future me, is to be kind to my body and good to my soul. 

"Don't let the world get in your head and drop heavy things. You don't have to carry those anymore. Wash your hand clean and keep walking forward, with an open heart and those bright brown eyes that you've handed down to MB."