Silence, in the depths of my heart
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| Pictured retrieved from visitsaltlake.com |
It's not really that modern.
The Policy
I was overwhelmed by recent church policy that just came out. I had to sit on my hands for over a week because I feared I would be met with hostility for my beliefs. On November 5th, my church shared a policy disavowing same-sex marriage (not a surprise b/c proclamation of the family) and advised local authority figures to hold disciplinary counsels for couples in this particular situation (huge surprise). Lately, the church had come out and encouraged the protection of LGBTQ citizens, so we only assumed more good things would come. After the policy was leaked, progressive mormons have had an incredibly difficult time grasping this belief.
I cried for two days. Why? I know I am a sexually fluid female, and I accept I have a certain privilege that comes with that. But I am also a humanist. Just as Christ taught to love one another, I work every day to love those that live differently from me. To be completely honest with you, I live and let live. As long as people are not trying to indoctrinate me with their beliefs, I simply allow them to practice their lives freely. Some of my very best friends from BYUI have come out to me and I feel honored that they trusted me. It couldn't have been easy to go to an LDS school and be an active, gay member. I honor them for their courage. I couldn't stay in an organization that criticized and said that my biological notion of same sex attraction was an abomination to God. I've had a closed door to that because I haven't had the courage to be true to myself, in this case anyway. I'm pretty sure someone quoted a scripture about same-sex attraction from the Old Testament and how vile and wrong it is... Well, we're also not kosher these days, women can wear pants, cut their hair, and men aren't legally allowed to have concubines. Anyway, I digress.
I want to be a part of this gospel because I converted to it. I wasn't aware of the history behind Mormonism and frankly, I just wanted to have the Jesus part of it. As I watch so many people that I love leave the church, I find myself begging them to STAY. Please?! Won't you stay? Am I foolish to believe that we can have it all? We could rejoice in our differences and engage a wider community of people that want an eternal family, believe the same things we do, and they just so happen to be gay. I am a diabetic. I was born that way. I was given the genetic lottery and I did not choose to have diabetes. After thousands of years of persecution, we are finally able to understand that gay people (according to science) are born attracted to the same gender. They are physically made that way. We shouldn't have to explain this! Science is real and doesn't lie. WHO CARES. LOVE IS LOVE IS LOVE IS LOVE.
I have watched countless other friends defend our leadership and their decisions, without batting an eye towards those that are grieving. I choose to mourn with those that mourn and stand with them. It is not so difficult to understand that we all have trials. But to remain silent means that I agree and I do not. I asked one of my parents what they thought (since I was so devastated) and they said, "this counsel doesn't mean that I will stop loving and supporting gay people. It doesn't matter."
Why it Matters
It matters to the people that have to opportunity to sit down and speak with the 15. It matters because this policy is discriminatory in nature. It matters because marginalizing a few is not what Jesus envisioned when He asked us to follow Him. He didn't cast a stone. He healed, always healed and comforted. He didn't eat fancy meals or seek out government positions. He simply hung out with lepers, poor, and gave parables to remind His followers of THE HIGHER LAW.
I have always been proud of my membership in the church. I don't always come out and disagree with harmful doctrine. I lost a friend to this policy. Someone who had been given hope that he could live in the gospel and find love. Now he is gone on to the next life and I want him to know that I wish I had spoken out more, expressed more, and loved more.
I don't formally speak for anyone but myself.
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